It’s all Heart-of-Darknessy today, the clouds and drizzle ominously perched above our little house. It’s a sunny day everywhere else. Big fat menacing clouds with gruesome faces. I feel like I am plunging deeper into the untamed jungle. the jungle of Saturday. A rotten, viney Saturday, full of hooting noises and swarming insects. A decrepit Saturday with black teeth and wild eyes, leaning on a cane, beckoning me to come closer. It wants to tell me something. It wants to whisper a secret into my ear.
E. and I are off to my ‘rents this afternoon at 1. We haven’t seen them since getting engaged 3 weeks ago. I know my mother is constitutionally unable to lets us plan this thing ourselves, but she still is acting as if she is being laissez-faire about the whole W thing. It isn’t that I am not excited, but I fear that with her, the only topic of conversation between now and The Big Day is going to be about invitations, guest lists and caterers. She will pretend when we tell her we’ve decided on a lumberjack theme, with tree sawing and log rolling competitions, and a sit down pancake dinner, but I’ll see the panic and displeasure in her eyes.