If it is hickory-smoked, wrapped in plastic, 100% guaranteed, easy to assemble, 33% larger, inevitable, made from the highest quality ingredients, is family-sized, recommended by American Burghermeister Association, fun for the whole family; if it has a “real” butter-like taste, is faster, longer, plumper, juicier, more compact, has wings, is extra-absorbent, triple-strength, resealable, or full of that down home goodness; if it keeps me even drier than before, has scouring action, or a patented scientific formula; if it comes in assorted colors, flavors, or elegant designs, is the choice of choosy mothers, or 4 out of 5 doctors; if it is bursting with that hot, zesty cheese I love, than I guess it is for me.